The Very Clear Hatred of Someone I've Never Met, Part II

So, here's an excerpt from today's 5th grade lesson plan:

Review with students the differences between sit/set, lay/lie, raise/rise, and teach/learn. Have them generate their own examples.

No other materials provided -- no handouts, no books, no helpful notes on what they've already covered so that I know what should be review and what might be new.

So, again, I'm confronted with yet another teacher who appears to hate me, despite never having met me. Lay / lie is a difficult distinction even for adults, even for adults who speak in an educated matter, even for adults who believe that those with good grammar should find strength together through unity, as sticks do when bundled into a fasces , if you will, aka grammar nazis. I mean, come on, in addition to being two separate words, the past tense of "lie" is "lay" -- that is just intentionally aggravating. (And don't even get me started on how weird the participle "lain" sounds to our ears.)

But, I did my best, using the ol' transitive v. intransitive approach to explain the difference. They had no idea what either term meant. Once more unto the breach, I tried to give them a quick mnemonic for the difference in the phrase "lay it on me" demonstrating proper usage -- and was met by giggles and guffaws. Apparently the new generation does not know this idiom, and they all assumed it meant something salacious. (Incidentally, what's with the theme of kids only knowing the dirty definitions for words?) So, I'm pretty sure none of them now know the difference between lay and lie, but they have heard a flustered sub have to acknowledge that he was aware of alternate definitions.

Also pointing to the conclusion that the teacher hates me, what's with the lack of parallelism in the words the teacher wanted reviewed? Sit/set and rise/raise also follow an intransitive/transitive distinction, but how did learn/teach end up in the grouping? (It's like the requisite honor's student who hangs out with the stoners.) I saved them for last, and I had a lot of kids rush in to try and identify one as intransitive and another as transitive, only to look hurt (and even more confused) when I told them that both were transitive. Not only did I not teach them, I think I may have un-taught them, and left them more confused than they started.

Hatred, confusion, humor, sex, betrayal -- the lesson was one of the stronger grammar-induced emotional roller coasters I've ever been on (rivaled only by the great Funner v. More Fun of Argument of 2011 my sister and me.)